Those Advice shared by A Father Which Helped Me when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger failure to communicate among men, who still hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - going on a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."